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Horoscopes by Twyla: March Edition

A special message from Twyla: “So I’m late again with the horoscopes and I’m very sorry, but for most of you, this is going to be the least of your problems this month!”

Happy Birthday, Pisces! You know the phrase “the world is your oyster?” That’s perfect for you this month, even though I don’t like that phrase because wtf does it even mean, but what I’m trying to tell you is you is many opportunities are coming to you, and they’re all awesome. However, don’t be lazy and think they’ll just be handed right to you, you have to keep your eyes open and be ready to grab them.

You need to make some changes this month, Aries. In order to move in the right direction, you’re going to have to be a little patient, which is not exactly one of your best traits. While you’re working on these life changes, you should also consider changing your passwords for online accounts — there’s something about privacy issues going on in your forecast.

Put the brakes on, Taurus! Is that an actual saying? Put the brakes on? What I mean is sit back and think things through before moving forward too fast. You’ve got big plans with the potential to be very successful, but you should go over everything from legal matters to sneaky business partners to how much supplies will cost. Cover all your bases because this idea of yours is too good to mess up over silly details.

Well aren’t you just full of great ideas this month, Gemini? Your social circle is growing which means your name is getting out there to people who want to help you with these ideas. Don’t share too much with new friends right off the bat; you’re going to have to use your sharp intuition skills to figure out who is here to help you, and who is here just to ride on your coat tails.

You may have noticed the last few years have been a bit tougher than previous years, Cancer, and that’s definitely not all in your head. But you’ll be happy to know that this phase is almost over — you just have a few more things to do before you’re in the clear. Holding on to something that you don’t need anymore? Let it go! I’m not just talking about that pile of books you’ve already read or that old chair in the corner that you’ve been meaning to donate, I’m talking deeper shit like your partner that you’ve outgrown or the job that you don’t actually like but it’s comfortable so you stay. Say goodbye to all that and get out there — something big is waiting to fill those open spots!

You’re surrounded by lots of good lookin’ opportunities this month, Leo, but you need to remember that just because it looks good on the outside, doesn’t mean it’s good on the inside. Here are some old adages for you to remember this month: “All that glitters is not gold,” “Never judge a book by its cover” and, my own personal mantra, “Durian fruits sure look exciting on the outside, but once you cut them open and the raw sewage smell comes out, you could be banned from public transit in certain parts of Asia.”

Feel like you need a little more “me time,” Virgo? Too bad. March is full of interruptions to your regular schedule — friends are being super needy, people you barely know are requesting favours, family members are bugging you … Be aware that not everybody asking for your time truly needs it right now, so try to save your resources for those who need you most. Don’t worry — this isn’t all for nothing — helping all these people will, in turn, help you learn more about yourself and the people close to you.

Face it Libra, you’ve been cruising through 2018 a little under the radar while everyone else is going through shit, so don’t act all surprised when I tell you that March is going to be a turd. You’re going to need to dust off your spectacular negotiation skills to help you navigate some sensitive situations at work, and you’ll need to try to stick to the facts when trying to get your point across. By end of the month, you should see that change doesn’t have to be bad, and some new exciting doors may have opened up for you.

You’re one of the lucky ones this month, Scorpio. You’re feeling creative, and March will bring you the time and energy you need to finish up some of the projects you have on the go. Follow your gut in all situations as your intuition is off the charts this month.

It’s time to settle down and plant some real roots, Sagittarius. Whether this means signing a longer lease, buying your own place, accepting a full-time job offer, adopting that dog you’ve always wanted, or taking your relationship to the next level, now is the time to commit! This new year is full of promise for you — all you need to do is tame those flighty ways!

Feeling like a little bit of a grump lately, Capricorn? Wondering where all your friends went? Take some time to reflect on your last few months — when was the last time you did what you wanted, just for fun? If you can take a few days mid-month to do something nice for yourself, that should help lift away the grey cloud that’s been hanging around above you lately, and hopefully bring your friends back.

Torn between 2 major purchases, Aquarius? Buy the one that is more of a want than a need, and hold off on the other one – you’ll be in the right place at the right time to score a sweet deal down the road. You’ve got a real snake working alongside you, so beware of someone trying to push you into a position that seems too good to be true. Use your conservative Aquarian traits to get all the facts before signing on to anything career-related!

By Twyla Yacyshyn