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Horoscopes by Twyla — December Edition

We’ve got one more month of this year left, and to tell you the truth, December isn’t all that great for any of us. But whatever, we’ll be drunk half the time, and eating treats the other half of the time, so who cares if we’re overworked, broke and alone?! Good riddance, 2017!

Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 22
You’re turning over a new leaf this month, Sagittarius, and instead of your usual vibe of “telling it how it is,” you’ll be trying a more diplomatic approach. This is great because it lets people know that not only are you able to be direct and to the point, you are also aware of when to be a little more sensitive.

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 19
‘Tis the season to party, Capricorn, but be careful of overdoing it. Know any old men? There are signs of a big money drop from an old man after December 16th!

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18
Go east, young man! I don’t know why, or what’s there, but the stars are saying it, so you should do it, Aquarius. Job stuff is on the right track, but big decisions should be left until the New Year. If you have children, you’re gonna wish you didn’t this month.

Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20
You’ve been working too hard and I’m sorry to tell you that nobody is even noticing, so guess what? Stop. Come in at 9, leave at 5, do your normal work, but can it on the extra stuff. Your financial situation should be pretty good, so spend December livin’ it up with family and friends! Also, I’m not telling any of the other signs about how 2018 is looking, but yours looks real good so I just want you to know and feel happy!

Aries Mar 21 – April 19
It might seem like you’re rollin’ in the dough this month, Aries, but there are a few unexpected things that will pop up, so set a bit aside to cover those costs. If your job is involved in the Government in any way, something big is happening – not sure what though. If you’re into online dating you’re going to meet a really good match this month! If you’re not into online dating, maybe you should be.

Taurus April 20 – May 20
If your job has you travelling a lot, there’s a chance that another job opportunity will pop up during one of your trips. Everyone in your social circle is going to be impossible to deal with in December, but just keep your chill and go with the flow and you’ll still have a super fun month.

Gemini May 21 – June 20
Overindulging and the holidays go hand in hand, but Gemini’s need to keep things in check to “avoid excess wind in the digestive area” lol. I swear that’s what I read in someone else’s Gemini horoscopes the stars. So basically no fun parties for you this month. See ya in January.

Cancer June 21 – July 22
First thing’s first – if you want to get pregnant, this is the month to do it. If you don’t want to get pregnant, be careful because there is the potential for lots of action this month. Higher ups have been noticing the extra work you’ve been doing, so expect some sort of recognition – it might not be cash, sadly, but look on the bright side: you could be a Pisces who is working her ass off and nobody even cares!

Leo July 23 – Aug 22
Basically, December is a non-stop party for you, Leo, up until the 21st. Normally I’d be like “Take it easy! Be careful! Get lots of rest!” but you’re pretty responsible during the other 11 months so I think it’s totally fine if you really give’r. The only thing I’m gonna mom-scope you about is your finances – if something seems too good to be true, it probably is, so watch who you’re giving money to!

Virgo Aug 23 – Sept 22
The holiday season has you wanting to stay in and get cozy with your partner, but your partner is like “No way, man, I’m going out!” So that’s going to cause some issues. However, looks like you’re going to get sick mid-month which is kinda good because then you’ll be able to stay in like you wanted!

Libra Sept 23 – Oct 22
Work has been busy and is only going to get busier, Libra. That being said, you’ll have to pick and choose which holiday events you’ll attend, and when you go out you’ll really make it count, so keep your favorite hangover remedies well stocked. If you can, try to take a morning walk as often as possible.

Scorpio Oct 23 – Nov 21
While I was researching your month ahead, I came across these phrases, which I think should help guide you through December. “Those involved in sea-related work should exercise caution.” “A tonic for the head is recommended.” “Passion can get scary sometimes, even for you.” So, we good, Scorpio, right?

Was your horoscope so bad you feel like binging on high-fat food, or so good you want to go celebrate with an amazing meal? Either way, you should check out our list of Calgary’s 25 best comfort foods.

By Twyla Yacyshyn